Scarlett's Farewell Friday June 1, 4:07pm
The funny thing is, I haven't shed a single tear.
I suppose over these last few years I've gained a reputation for being some sort of soggy weeper. That's what it feels like, anyhow, that any little thing sets me off in tears. I'm not that Scarlett anymore, though. I guess I'm stronger, now, and more able to weather adversity. I suppose that's what experience does for you.
So, well, I guess you've heard the news. Dad came in to my room, his face beet-coloured with rage, and said simply, "It's over, Lettie. They're shutting down the CRR. I'm sorry." And he patted at my arm awkwardly, like he might comfort a colleague, and after a second, pulled me into a hug, instead. I don't think he'd done that since I was ten years old. He was so warm and solid, and I found myself aching from missing him and avoiding him and suspecting him all of these years. That's something I have to make right.
Then my key started chirping with people calling in to make sure I'm OK - Violet, Kurt, Von, Garnet, Iona, Brede, would you believe even Michiko Clark? All of my friends circling round to keep me safe and whole, just like you always have.
I really will miss you all. You've given us so much of yourselves, and there's just no way to explain how much it's meant to me, how many dark times you've pulled me through. I'll miss you madly, don't doubt it, but I'm also strong enough to walk on my own, now. I think we'll all be OK here in Perplex City.
Violet has of course been hovering over me these last days, since we've found out, like she thinks this is the thing that will break me for good. She keeps squeezing my hands or my shoulders and telling me "It'll all be fine, Lettie, I'll make sure of it," and I keep getting these little flashbacks, like jolts of electricity, remembering all of the times she's said that to me before:
When I was small and our mother died, and Violet promised she'd always take care of me.
When I was a little older and my best friend Julianna decided not to like me anymore.
When I caught my first boyfriend in the park kissing another girl, when dad started getting bad press in the Sentinel, when my pet turtle died, when I got poor marks in applied cryptology, and not even counting the insanity of the Cube theft and all the years that followed.
Every time, she's been right there, promising it would work out, that she would make it so by stubborn force of will.
But you know, I've said it before; I was broken - and I'm not anymore. And I'm starting to recognise how carefully she tries to protect me, how she's always tried to protect me. Her execution is sometimes... questionable... but I can see she's trying to be the best sister she knows how. I think it's time for me to start trying back again.
So I guess at least one good thing has come out of this. And I guess it really isn't the end of the world. I mean, I'll be able to watch you, even if we won't be able to talk. And - - after we found out, we had a blue sort of family dinner, and afterward, Kurt and Vi were standing together - I don't think they saw me - and I saw Violet lean against him, and brush his hair out of his eyes, and I saw him slip his arm around her, and it looked so comfortable and right. It is right, and maybe they're finally figuring out what everyone else has known all along.
So it looks like this is a time for beginnings, too, and not just an ending. So I'm not crying, I promise. And who knows, maybe we'll meet again one day.